The Pre-Season Rankings You Didn't Ask For

In case you missed it... (Kim 2) last night's draft was not without controversy. Christine signed in with a DUDE sitting next to her, and proceeded to unapologetically cheat for the entire draft.

New girl, Erin, also had a friend helping her. But she was a lady, and so we approved of that. Kind of. I actually think we only approved of it because seeing it side-by-side with what Christine was doing made it look more acceptable.

Kim 2 wasn't the only one to forget about the draft, Katie thought it started at 7:00pm, but still only managed to login at 7:15pm. Fashionably late, with just enough time to draft a kicker. Kim 2's notable absence doesn't jeopardize her position in the league, since she's paid. We just are sad we missed an opportunity to see baby Kira's cute face!

Back to the dude, Dannie, who was not invited, but still couldn't help inserting himself. If he was going to be a part of the draft, I thought we might as well lean into it. It should be noted he's played about a million fantasy seasons, but only won 2. His opinions carry no weight. This list only serves to aggravate you (some more than others), on this, the first week of the weirdest football season ever.

So, here are the rankings you did not ask for, un-edited, from Christine's cheat-mate. Jordan refused to submit his version, insisting instead on being a big titty baby because I wouldn't let him be in the room with me last night while I drafted.

1. Sac VanderSmash – Tough not to give this team the best ranking. Best RB, best TE, lots of other top guys in their positions.

2. All I do is Win(ston) – Lamar Jackson is a RB & QB in one. Add Zeke, Nuke, Allen and Ertz. Sounds like a championship to me.

3. Pending Draft Picks – This team is fast with great hands.

4. Chuck’s Fantasy Suite – Great value picks with Ekeler and Godwin. Wilson is always dangerous down the stretch. We’ll see if Odell gets his shit together.

5. Going for Broke – A lot of potential… but Dak and Cooper can fuck right off.

6. Tiffany Luvs Touchdowns – Derrick Henry might single handedly carry this team to the playoffs.

7. Team Ingereno – this team could have been #1 if they didn’t waste a pick on Jimmy G.

8. Tits No Touchdowns – Great pass catchers. Too bad you need RBs and QBs to score points.

9. Is Danny Potter in this league? No – but he should have been helping you with your draft.

10. Rolling With Mahomes – Old men and unproven youngsters on bad teams.

Don't forget to set your line up, games start this THURSDAY NIGHT, Sept 10!